First Post

"Being in love is a roller coaster and when you're dangling in the air not knowing

if you're going to make it, it's not a pretty feeling. But worse is when it falls - fast and hard and you have not option but to go down with it."

It wasn't his fault. He wasn't perfect, I wasn't even close . It wasn't his fault that we feel head over heals in love .We thought it was really clique meeting through a mutual friend .But we found our happiness in cliques, we'd call each other with  love names, which we name it, even though we cringed when another couple said it.

So, we did the whole thing, he went down on his knees at an ice cream parlor and asked me to be his girlfriend, he got me lilies on those lame month anniversaries that we stopped keeping track of. We'd fight as passionately as we'd make up. 

We had our opinions and I loved him for  being the moody, adventurous, smart that he is. After this all our Situation seems like that- Have you seen the sun, holding it Sun Rays forever? No, because he knows that if he would keep holding it. There would be no benefit to him as well as others. So he decides every morning that Let Go. Let that Sun Rays travel the whole world and then come back to me and set down with me. They should also know that this world is a big attractive piece but 'they are nothing without him still'.

After this unexpected situation I was totally depressed and just thought that " today I'm in so much pain that I can't even think anything ahead about my next second of my life". I like to just sit and stare at the things happening and I'm just a dead alive body who is in just search of some way out of this depression going in me. What should I do? Where should I go? Sometimes I feel something is burning in me and at the other times I feel very cold inside. I just don't know the way out of this shit going in me.

In this situation I was totally confused that what should I do? because there was nobody who could listen me. Yes! I was totally alone at that time. 

After one week on his birthday I wished him "Happy birthday", he replied" thank-you". And then I felt little bit happy because he replied me. Then after his birthday I suddenly asked him that "why did he left me? " I told him that "You were someone who I was very close to more than anyone, but you faded from my life. I faced a lot after then. The fear that I lost you, was continuously hitting me there, and making me down everyday, the loud beat of my heart turned to slow, And I started fading ."

He replied me"I know that was mine mistake I didn't want to do that but I did. " He apologized for everything and he suddenly said that "If I say that still I have a soft corner for you,then". and I was like that I had no words that   what should I say? 

Then he said that can we start this new? but as a best friends. I love hearing that he had still that feeling for me . Everything was going smoothly. Then what happened suddenly. "It is not said that love triangle spoils everything". Same happened with me. As he did earlier he left me for his friendship, so that his friendship does not deteriorate. Suddenly he finished talking again. And then I was completely broken.

Days,  weeks and months were passing, I was not in my life anymore , I was living in a different world that consist the darkness, the bright colors around me were also dark for me now because there was no one who can adore me,  whom I can say what I was feeling.

There were a lava of pain in me and questions circulating .

That why he came in my life ? Was it his playful desire?  Was it never true which you showed ? He faded me completely.

The fire inside me burning in my heart is not because that he left me alone and gone forever, the thing is those questions in my mind constantly coming up and harassing me "That what made he left so easily that he didn't even cared to inform me once and left away like some travel stranger walks away after the journey is over. In that case those strangers are also good, They say Good-Bye   before leaving. You didn't had time to say that too".


I told you I'd let you go someday . I lonesomely, it was the hardest thing I've ever done but it was worth it. For me, for my heart. You hurt me so bad . You changed me. I knew it and I did it. I can't explain how proud I am. Because I am the only one who knows how much you hurt me . But here I am now,  healing. We may love the wrong person, but one thing is sure, "Mistakes will help us find the right person someday".


Written by: Shivangi agnihotri